Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
