I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize