Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
