I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
