maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
