My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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