Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
