And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ketchup is God's man juice
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
