it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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