In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
