no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
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