can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
