Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
