I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
