Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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