I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Girls should come with a carfax report
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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