Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize