So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
