this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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