Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
