with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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