Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
