you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize