thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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