you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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