Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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