What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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