I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
