Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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