She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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