dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
