Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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