Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
