I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
