He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
