what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
