i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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