I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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