Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
