YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
