I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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