oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
