She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
These tits shall not be calmed
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
