the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
