I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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