Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
