I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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