im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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