some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
