dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize