you told grandpa to call you daddy
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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