That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
