I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
