So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
