new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
