the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
These tits shall not be calmed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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