I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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