I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
its not stalking. its research.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
