dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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