it wasn't lemon gatorade
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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