I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
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Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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