pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
even my farts smell like vagina
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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