He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
