Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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