I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
