i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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