Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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