I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
