can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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