I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
