So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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