Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
