Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
